Living with in-laws

The Ultimate Survival guide

 

It is certainly a topic to ponder over how living with in-laws affects life. Does living together imply surrendering all your privacy, independence and sanity? You might also be wondering if merging two different lifestyles at one place creates stress.

Well, when two different households are brought together it indeed impacts the lifestyles both physically as well as emotionally. The need to adjust in the physical space along with all the baggage of personal struggles of any married couple often ignites frustration and pain, and hence causes stress.

Actually, the million-dollar question that arises is that how can a daughter in law manage to stay with the in-laws peacefully? Keeping aside the view created in our mind of the in-laws through the daily soaps, I think this is indeed a bittersweet experience.

The truth is that all the in-laws are not bad. You just need to understand them and adjust yourself accordingly. So here are some tips that can be followed before moving into your in-law’s place.

10 survival tips on living harmonious with the in-laws

Living with in-laws - The Ultimate Survival guide

1.   Be Natural and real

Normally we see the daughter in laws try their best to be perfect, just to please their partner’s mom. They often do this to get accepted and have a perfect relationship with them.

All I would like to suggest is be natural and real about who you actually are. Take up responsibilities that you are capable of fulfilling. If you take up something that you can’t continue, the result will be mental pressure and an exhausted body. If you have high expectations on impressing your in-laws, living with them can become a really depressing and uncomfortable reality. So just be who you are.

2.   Set boundaries

It’s critical to sit down with your partner and discuss the tasks and responsibilities that each of you is responsible for. Apart from this it is important to let the in-laws understand your needs and requirements of privacy as a couple. Make them understand respectfully the issues you are not comfortable with and that you will appreciate if they respect that.

This is arguably the most critical piece of advice for having to live with your in-laws. Boundaries are essential not only in marriage but in all personal relationships. Setting boundaries such as knocking when entering the room, not intervening in disputes, not meddling in parenthood, and so on will make living with your in-laws a nice experience. Some borders can be established directly, while others must be established indirectly.

3.   Let some things go

The most beautiful hack of living life peacefully is to let go of some things. Everything is not worth holding onto. Try to maintain a respectful relationship with each other. Simply try to forgive even if you have some bad experiences. The more you will turn off the rude, opinionated, or malicious side the more peaceful will be your relations with your in-laws.

4.   Avoid unnecessary family squabbles/ arguments

Don’t get too involved in family fights especially those that don’t concern you. This will help you to avoid the tricky stage of relationship with the in-laws. If at all you have to be involved, try to figure out the cause of the discontent to stop the quarreling.

5.  Relax and hangout a bit

It is important to understand that you as an individual require your personal space too and especially so if you are a working woman. Help out with the household chores but don’t run around like a mad horse. Give yourself time to hang out with your friends or simply your husband. The more relaxed and calm you stay, the more peaceful living with in-laws will be.

Living with in-laws - The Ultimate Survival guide

6.   Be nice to them

Harmony is created if you are nice to people. Do not over do but certainly take out time to ask about the well being of your in-laws, take care of them, present them with thoughtful gifts, or you can even go grocery shopping with them. Try to make a place in their heart by initiating small moments.

7.   Respect them

Everyone knows the sigma rule- give respect and take respect. All of us like to be respected. So, if you want to be respected by your in-laws, make efforts and respect them first. Do not take anything that belongs to them without their permission. Respect is a reciprocal concept and we need to earn it.

8.   Do not go beyond your limits

This is where money matters. If you and your partner are still tight on financial issues then do not over do things just to please them. Pay the utility bills only for your share and do not be over-generous.

9.   Ask for help when you need it

All living situations change when you have to live with your in-laws. There are certain additional responsibilities and work. Along with the working stress, you might sometimes need help from your in-laws as well. Do not hesitate in asking for help as your happiness and health is important too.

10.  Enjoy your stay

This is where all the fun lies. Just try to be calm and go with the flow. Since it is a bittersweet relationship, create a happy place for yourself. Get involved in little family things like playing games together, small picnics, even shopping plans can work. Try to mold yourselves in their culture if the languages differ. These small things definitely help in creating a happy household.

Final thoughts

Living with in-laws can be enjoyable, but it all depends on the situation you find yourself in. Have an open and honest conversation if things don’t seem to go as you thought they would be. No matter what the situation, if you try and put in whole hearted efforts, things will definitely work out. So just loosen yourself up, keep an open mind and bond as a family.

 


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